Last week, my Mom was unresponsive, always sleeping, and she couldn't talk at all. We were sure she had only a few days.
We had a day at the house of going through all of her photographs and remembering her life. My Dad & I went to the funeral home and finalized her immediate burial wishes. We prepared for a memorial gathering that appeared was going to happen sooner rather than later.
Then she rebounded again this weekend. Though she can't keep food down, she is drinking and as long as she keeps her throat lubricated, she can talk. Her wit and sense of humor are still present; however, the doctor says she is still in an overall decline and she is very weak.
We keep hearing that terminal patients have "rally" days, and I think this is her third rally since we've called in Hospice. It's just so emotionally hard as we prepare for an outcome, and then the apparent outcome changes. It makes us question the hospital and the doctors and Hospice. We are most certainly in limbo, and the waiting and not knowing what to do is extremely stressful.
In order to maintain some sanity, I'm spending time on memories and putting together a photographic history of Mom's life. And we're slowly turning some attention toward our lives and the things we need to get done to make sure we are prepared for the obligations we have the first five months of 2015.
So, I'll likely be posting a few entries that will jump back and forth and sometimes they might not seem appropriate under the circumstances, but right or wrong, I have to start doing something that seems more "normal".
Once again, thanks to all of you for your very kind sentiments and your support. It means so much to us. Cyber hugs to everyone.
My love to you both during this painful transition time. Reflecting on your Mom's memory and remembering all those wonderful moments with her is certainly a good way to occupy your mind. :-)
Posted by: Dave Miller | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 10:03 AM
The day before my mom died and two days before my dad died they both had a rally day. It was if we were given one last chance to say what we needed to say and they were able to respond. It was a blessing...
Posted by: The Bear II | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 11:04 AM
I understand completely about the need to have some normalcy in your life to shore the in limbo situation. In such difficult situations each of us knows best what we need to do
Posted by: Sherry | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 12:09 PM
keeping your family in my thoughts!
Posted by: Thaiss M | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 12:24 PM
Howard and Linda,
All of us at Truma have been thinking about you and Howard's mom. We wanted to let you know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. We send our best wishes, love and support to you as you face this difficult time through the holiday season.
We so enjoyed having you at Louisville with us and we are grateful for your help and positive impact at our booth.
Sincerely,
Melanie Gibson
Posted by: Truma Corp | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 12:38 PM
My mom was taken off dialysis and the doctor told us she had two weeks. But it was six weeks later when she finally took her last breath. It was a really hard time. I pray for all of your family. Heaven is not quite ready for your mom.
Jane in KS
Posted by: Jane | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 01:00 PM
In my nursing experience this is very normal and typical. There is no script and you just go day to day and sometimes hour by hour, and it does become very stressfull. We take our time coming into the world and sometimes in the leaving as well.
Taking time for "normal" activities helps keep you sane.
(((Cyber hugs)))). Carol
Posted by: Carol Beckman | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 01:39 PM
Thinking of you and your family.
Posted by: Liz Rodriguez Alldaffer | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 02:08 PM
Everyone grieves in their own way, and there is no right or wrong. Seeking to normalize your life is quite healthy! Long goodbyes are ever so hard. Even when the expected goodbye happens, it still hurts and there is still a degree of shock. Our thought and prayers, and cyber hugs are sent your way. Marti and Paul
Posted by: Paul and Marti Dahl | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 02:18 PM
Our best friend was told a week and hospice lasted three weeks. It was extremely difficult for everyone involved especially since there were children involved. I will say the hospice workers (not the doctor) very accurately predicted the last 24 hours. They seem to have a better handle on it than the doctors. God bless Howard..thinking of you.
Posted by: Tracy Perkins | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 02:23 PM
Just do and Post feels right to you. We are all behind you and understand your silence. If you needed to adjust things early in the year, I am sure all would understand.
This is your time with family, you owe No one apologies or your time. Spend it with those you hold most dear and the rest can wait.
Our prayers are with you
Posted by: Wendy & Rick Burk | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 02:42 PM
Normal is good! Having been on a similar journey to the one you are taking now I can attest to that. Doing some "normal" stuff was all that kept me from losing it altogether.
Posted by: JB | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 03:03 PM
We are so glad to hear from you. You and the family have been in our thoughts and prayers. We are also glad to hear you are doing what helps you with your current situation. Only you and Linda know what you need to do. We can only hold you in our hearts and send love and hugs!!!
Posted by: Bill and Nancy | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 04:32 PM
You know, predicting God's plan for your mother is impossible for anyone.
Only He knows the day and time He will call her home.
God Bless and praying for your comfort.
Posted by: Pamela | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 06:28 PM
Howard and Linda, Peg and I think of you both daily and continue to pray for peace and understanding for all of you!!! There is NO right or wrong, do what you need to do to get through this as best as you can. A photographic history will be such a wonderful tribute to your mom and a time of great healing for you. Hugs to you both!
Posted by: Michele Webb | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 07:12 PM
I remember when Mario's Dad was "passing"..he was unresponsive for a month, Mario flew to Honduras to be by his side, then when he came home, since the doctors didn't seem to have any insight as to how "long" it would be, his Dad died the next day...its one been confusing time for all of us, and all you really can do is be present in the moment and pray for the grace to weather the storm...and know that we are all sending our love and support.
Posted by: Ellen Bendana | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 07:42 PM
Howard, Your fiesty Mom is from "The Greatest Generation". She is not going to go down without a fight. You have to admire her spirit. Alex and I send our prayers and good energy to you. We have been there with all of our parents and know that you need the prayers and good thoughts more than anyone. Enjoy those special moments when she is with you.
Posted by: Chris Torrance | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 08:23 PM
Bless you Howard and Linda.
Posted by: Renee Galligher | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 10:19 PM
(((Cyber hugs)))) back to you and Linda at this difficult time. Blessings to you all.
Posted by: Jan | Tuesday, December 16, 2014 at 10:39 PM
Know the delima very well. It was always easier for me to have a full dose of 'work' to provide the needed distraction and an outlet for the pent up energy. My problem was with balance but it sounds as though you have a very good handle on that.
Complete empathy and understanding of the roller coaster. It is a very tough ride.
Hang in there.
Posted by: Wayne Scott | Wednesday, December 17, 2014 at 02:39 AM
Howard, I'm so sorry for your heartache. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers!
Gin and Syl
Posted by: Gin Griffin | Wednesday, December 17, 2014 at 08:07 AM
It's a tough roller coaster ride for sure - Bill's brother bought a similar ticket and looking back it was a much shorter time than it felt while going through it with him and the family. I said at the time that dying is harder than death, and realize now it was the uncertainty of jumping between hope and grief. If you're doing what feels right then you're doing the right thing. Don't doubt that.
Posted by: Bill and Jodee | Wednesday, December 17, 2014 at 10:26 AM
Howard and Linda,
Glad to hear your spending time creating the photo history of your Mom and hope you're getting a little solace from it during this stressful time. You both are in my thoughts and prayers constantly. God be with you closely as you go through this time.
Posted by: Okey | Wednesday, December 17, 2014 at 10:56 AM
Sounds like a nice tribute you're putting together.
Your parents are fortunate that you have the luxury of time to give them. It's an abundance that most people your age don't have and one that you will never regret giving, so don't feel bad if you have to work things around it.
Hugs, Esther & Steve
Posted by: Esther | Wednesday, December 17, 2014 at 02:11 PM
Whatever you do, it's the right thing for you. Your care and concern are enduring; blessings as you travel a difficult road.
Posted by: Bob & Molly | Thursday, December 18, 2014 at 03:42 PM
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. How you handle these things are an inspiration to those of us who are planning to live on the road with parents who are young at heart but don't have much longer here. Thank you.
Posted by: David and Julie | Thursday, December 25, 2014 at 05:34 PM