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Thursday, December 04, 2014

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Feeling your sadness & pain
It just suck’s, but sharing does help the healing
Hang in there & My best to all of you & yours
God Bless & Love DR

We are so sorry for your pain. I got to hold my mom's hand when she passed. That gave me comfort. Hope your mom is comfortable and as pain free as possible. Prayers. No one is ever "ready", it just happens and it is difficult. I lost my first husband to lung cancer, Mom to Gallbladder Cancer and Dad to a ruptured Aortic Aneurysm. Not fun, but time helps with acceptance. You have my sympathy.

Thoughts and prayers for your family:)

I am jumping in here without reading the previous posts I have missed. So sorry to hear of your Mom and Dad's situation. I am wintering here in Mesa,AZ on my Daughters small ranch and it has been a busy (fun) family time with my children and grandchildren. My first year of "full time" travel.
I went through a similar experience that you are facing with your Mom and Dad, just a few short years ago, before I went "full time". Unlike my Mom, it sounds like your Mom is going, or will go, through a very uncomfortable time along with your family. I will keep you and the family in my prayers.
My Mom was prescribed Hospice due to her failing health four years ago. My sister and I decided she should stay with me the remainder of her days. A bedroom was converted into a hospital room and nurses and doctors streamed through my house for two years as she slowly slipped from us. Eventually we hired a full time nurse since I was drained, along with many family members. My emotions followed her ups and downs. It was very sad (and emotionally draining) to watch her pass on, but I know she is in a better place now waiting for my arrival someday.
I pray that during this time you have with your Mom, God will pull you close under his wing of comfort.
...

Howard, thank you for the follow up as I am sure many like me, clicked on your journal daily for some sort of status.
I pray for comfort for your Mom and for the well being of your Dad.
It is wise that you are still keeping busy. I too ran ragged for six months juggling a demanding job while caring for my Dad with dementia. Between that, handling my Mom's needs as well as the needs of my autistic brother, there were many days where I didn't know if I could continue since I was the only family member around.
What kept me going was the love in our family and thinking of the good times which it is obvious exists in your life as well.
Again, I as well as others are keeping all of you in our prayers....G

Howard & Linda,
We understand your pain, worry and sadness, as you go through this very stressful time.
We pray for you because we have no power to do anything else. We can only hope that, in some way, you may feel the love we send your way. You have touched the lives of so many of us, and because you touched those lives, we are blessed.
May God and His Holy Spirit be with you during this difficult time.

You words are beautiful...even when your heart is breaking.

Love that the RV-Dreams Collective Therapy Group can help give you strength:o) We all continue to send hugs and love to the whole family. Let us know if there is anything else any of us can do to help lighten the load.

Take things day by day, take care of yourself, so you can continue to do what is best for all of you.

Thank you for posting Howard. Yes we have been through the roller coaster ride of emotions with parents and spouses deaths. It is very hard and you will need to be strong but also let the tears flow when needed. We are praying for you folks and know that you will get through it together. May God bless and guide you at this time.
Rick & Kathy Rousseau
It's about time.

My Dad died on Fathers Day 17 days after the pancreatic cancer diagnosis. I was unable to go to the hospital he was in because I had the flu at that time. We were told he was cracking jokes with the nurse at 7AM and gone when she checked a few minutes later. I pray your Mother has as easy a passing as my Dad did. I also pray for peace of heart and mind for you and Linda.

Prayers are being sent your way...

To "Our Rvers" (we met in Raleigh at the RV Show):

Steve and I are both our mothers only children. My mom has been in a nursing home this coming January for 2 years. Hospice has been contacted twice and each time she has rallied and been released from Hospice Care. She has Congestive Heart Failure and COPD. It is an emotional roller coaster and you have my prayers everyday for your strength. Steve's mom has just been just been told she has rectal cancer. She is 90 years old and lives next door to us. They are recommending low dose chemo and radiation. It has not spread pass the tumor. He is having to made very hard decisions right now and praying they are the right ones. He has chosen treatment.
She is healthy as a 90 year old can be other than the tumor. She suffers from dementia and decision making is very hard for her.

All these decisions I would not wish on my worst enemy because they are hard as well as emotionally draining.

You both are in our prayers for peace and understanding. It is a long road......

((big hugs))

this is beautifully written. it takes grace to be so open, and to accept the love and care given by others. i read the rv journal and then, on our walks, i tell my husband, jim, what is going on in your lives. these last few weeks we have both had concern for you and your family. please try to take extra care of yourself too, and if it is any help at all, remember that time has a way of smoothing things out.

peace,
patty

Howard, I lost my birth Parents when I was 9 months old. Then I found the most wonderful Mother, she was single and was my Mother for over 35 years. I mourned when I lost her and asked why her, this wonderful Woman who gave up everything to be my Mom. I understand completely what you are going through. I am glad the words and experiences from your RV Family is helping you. Please know that you and Linda are in my heart and prayers. This road isn't easy my Friend. Sincerely, Linda Spearman

You are indeed in all of our thoughts and prayers. One of the many beauties of this lifestyle...you meet incredible people and they become your "family". Sending love, prayers and hugs (which I found at these times you can NEVER get to many of...). Pam and Red

Howard & Linda, we feel so badly for you and our thoughts and prayers go out to you in this very sad time. Check out in-home hospice. We used this 4 yrs ago when my dad was dying. Medicare provided a hospital bed, potty and table and the hospice nurses came to the house and gave him morphine. He lasted about 2 weeks but was able to die in peace, at home, surrounded by his family instead of in a hospital room. We also were able to stay with him and not have to be running around from house to hospital. Best wishes. I hope you all find peace.

Sonya Smith

You have done so much for us all Howard. It is the very least we can do for you. I am so glad that you have some distraction. The waiting and the uncertainty can really weigh you down. It's good to hear from you and now how you are doing. It is a real roller coaster for sure. Our love to you both and to your parents.

I'm crying with you my friend, because even though I thought I was prepared in the same way you did, I've come to believe none of us can truly be prepared for the loss of a parent. Like you said, maybe in your head, but certainly not in your heart - it takes a while for that to catch up. Let the tears come when they may - mine still come at the strangest of times and sometimes for the silliest of reasons or memories. I'm sorry we are both experiencing this journey right now, but I also agree that the community we share is a valuable support system, no matter if we've met in person or not - it really is an extended family. My prayers and bestest wishes are with you!

So sorry to hear. Sending our thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

Thanks for the update Howard. Very well said.

Know we too are thinking of you and keeping you all in our prayers.

prayers are still with you. just be sure you take care of yourselves also. Its easy to get all caught up in what you have to do and whatever else you feel you NEED to do, that it is easy to forget about yourself. you mustn't do that. so be sure to take a little bit of time each day to power your heart and body. take care and God Bless you

You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers

The grace it takes to accept the love and support of others is a gift that will sustain you through this toughest of times. We are all blessed by this community that you and Linda have grown, and it is our honor and pleasure to hold you in our hearts, to acknowledge what you mean to each of us.

Howard, what a gift your parents have bestowed upon you, in teaching you to express your emotions so eloquently! Valerie once held an extremely busy and stressful job in a large church community where every encounter presented high drama from joy to grief to joy and every emotion imaginable in between, all the while needing to attend to important business concerns. The very wise words from her pastor, which helped her to maintain her sanity and keep it all together, were "minister to the moment." You will get through this and be thankful for the experience to be present to your parents in their time of greatest need. Prayers and hugs! And remember that sometimes the moment in most need of ministering is your own!

💕 Prayers for you and your family

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. We came off the road due to parents ill health. Hospice will help your mom pass peacefully and will help you know she is being well cared for.

We're praying for your mom and dad as well as you and Linda. May God comfort you in this time.

Big Hug from Texas, Paul

My heart goes out to you, Linda, but most especially you Dad. I can't even imagine what he is going through having been with one person for so many years & then not having them by your side. I am tearing up just thinking about him. I have been reading the blog for years but haven't commented much. I just felt compelled to post on this topic & let you know you & your family are in my thoughts.

I'm sure you have heard this but Elizabeth Kubler Ross's book is a Godsend. http://goo.gl/qbLmiu It made me look like some prescient genius when my folks were dying. We also had wonderful Hospice help and they can not only help with the physical/medical part, but the psychological part for them and for you. They are so knowledgeable and have so many resources available, that I got to the point I used to ask them: "Is there anything I'm not asking that I should be asking?" Or "Am I not doing or thinking of something that in 6 months down the road, I'm going to kick myself for not thinking of it?" Those were my most beneficial questions to them, and they were fabulous with me about those questions. Your time with them is limited and ask and tell them everything that's in your heart so you won't regret it later, even if the answer hurts and you know it will. You are teaching your kids how to take care of you as much as your parents are teaching you how to die, which is as natural as life. That's what I learned taking care of my parents as they died.

God be with you.

Howard,
Your update brought tears to my eyes. Know that we are all sending prayers your way. So glad you and Linda are able to be there together. Take care of yourselves!

Howard - just having gone through the same thing with my dad (the palliative chemo did him in I think) who was living with us, my fervent prayers are with you! Embrace your time with them both! It is a great way to honor your parents when they need you most! Prayers & hugs! Lori

Howard, thank you for keeping us informed on your mom and dad. We care deeply, and share your concern and grief. Prayers for comfort, strength, and peace as you and your father face the days ahead. We understand - we have been where you are now.
Kind thoughts, Tom and Melva (Hershey Rally, 2011)

I don't post often but I've been reading your journal for several years and I feel like I know you and Linda.
Thank you for the update as I know we all have had you in our thoughts and prayers and wondering how you are coping with this difficult time.
My father was in Hospice care for several months before he died from colon cancer. The support and help was wonderful. We were able to keep him comfortable until the end.
Your eloquence and graciousness is a tribute to the parents who raised you. Praying you find the strength to get through this time; when it's all over, you will be at peace knowing you did all you could by being there when they needed you.
((((HUGE HUG))))
Carol

Thank you for the update. I can relate totally with you as my mother recently passed from Lung Cancer. She also refused treatment as it would not cure but just prolong and she couldn’t face that. It was the right decision for her. I wasn't able to continue with my blog through her illness and have just set myself a goal of catching up with it and starting it again in the new year. You are truly amazing to be able to write so well on this, although I understand the tears will be flowing. Mine were usually when I was alone at night. Hospice were amazing with my mother, we kept her at home in her own surroundings. This was easier as I was able to be with her 24/7, although emotionally draining. The Hospice carers and nurses were wonderful and answered our questions as best they could and kept mum as comfortable and pain free as possible. As you say, nothing can prepare you for this. The unknown is extremely difficult, not knowing if you have hours, days or weeks and just trying to make the most of every minute. I feel so much for your father as well, this must be so difficult for him. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Take Care.

Not a lot that can be said other than we too know what you are going through. Hard to go through and ya just never are quite the same ever. Good that you are able to be there and be there as much as you can, as it sounds you are. I could not face it and now I regret that.
Thinking of you, hang in there.
WS

My heart is still broken over this, and I send you hugs and prayers. Both my parents are gone now - my Dad suddenly in 1994, and my Mom not so suddenly in 2003. I also remember the outpouring of support I received from the RV-Dreams family when my wife passed away in 2009. It was a blessing. You, Linda, and Roz (Charles) are the only ones I have met personally. In fact Roz came to my wife's funeral in Jacksonville, FL. If, by any measure, the three of you are typical of the others in the RV-Dreams family, and I'm sure you are, then indeed they are an extraordinary bunch of people. May God give you peace and strength during this difficult time, and especially to the father who raised you to be such a fine man. Tim Fansler

I love you both, dear friend.
Your Mom and Dad were both so awesome to me growing up. There are so many memories to cherish.

Our heart aches with you Howard and Linda. Sending you peace and love.

Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your love ones at this difficult time.

Thank you for your ever so beautiful sharing of your current situation; mom, dad and work. I keep thinking how lucky they are to have a son like you who kept their needs in mind as you planned your last couple of years travel, at your research and took the 'heavy' financial part off their shoulders, how you planned to be available and ARE at this most important time, how you helped them move and settle into an easier place to manage. This is not in order and only a very few of your supportive, loving actions.

You are so fortunate that they choose YOU and they are as well. What a wonderful, loving, generous son you are. I'm so very thankful that you have wonderful Linda at your side especially now.

And I thank you for sharing so deeply your feelings; it makes me more comfortable to share about Jesse with our loving family that you created.

Sherry

{{{Howard and Linda}}}
Sounds like the Truma thing may have a silver lining in allowing you both to have some normalcy and distraction for a few hours a day. Constant grief and worry can really break you down quickly. Don't forget to take care of yourselves -- sort of like putting on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

In not knowing what to say, we are so grateful that many of the RV-Dreams family are able to so eloquently put into words how we feel. We, too, want you to know we are thinking of you all and that our hearts hurt for you as well.

My Dad was able to be at home with wonderful Hospice care. Although he knew I loved him dearly, before he died I wrote him a letter thanking him for being such a great Dad and cited a few (of many) cherished memories (him taking me fishing, him teaching me how to drive, him telling me we’re going on yet another dreaded blueberry-picking mission but surprising me with a trip to the local speedway instead!). It helped my heart heal knowing that I had let him know how much he meant to me.

Thank you, Howard, for being so open with your feelings to allow us to be open with ours and hopefully be able to help you cope with your sadness during this difficult time.

It is so good that you and Linda can be there for your Mom and especially your Dad. From experience I know that when the role is reversed with our parents we have a lots of decisions to make. Praying for you and your family at this time.

It is a great gift to all of us that you are so willing to share in such a heartfelt way. We're holding you and your family in our thoughts and prayers. May you continue to find joy in the midst of the pain.

Sorry you and your folks are at this point in your lives. It's hard to come up with the right words but I'd like to add a few. My mom had lung cancer. The doctor came out of surgery and said he could not remove the lung because it had spread. The next day, my father had a heart attack. They had been divorced for some time and he lived about three hours away so we made the drive.

My dad was not concerned about himself. He told me when my mom goes she will be most worried about her kids and not herself. He knew this because that was the way he was thinking. He passed away and my heart was torn apart. At the time I wondered who would be left in this world to be proud of my accomplishments. Who could I ask questions and trust their opinion 100%.

My mom did all the treatments to include radiation. The side effects included eventual leukemia. That is what got her the year before last. Just as my dad said, she was thinking about her kids and our wellbeing. I was glad I could be with her in the end and promised to make sure she would not be in pain no matter what. She was afraid of the pain. I paid attention to her pain level rather than the treatments that would prolong her life as her cancer was not survivable.

I wondered how I would ever meet the challenge of now being the "adult" in our family. I felt like a child at 49 years of age because I had my parents. That is all gone. Every year I grow-up a little more and the pain of missing them is not as hard. I'm most thankful for having them as my parents and I'm now even more thankful that they are with their parents and other family. They spent so much time on earth, away from their family. They went through the same pain of missing them. They did a wonderful job of preparing my sisters and I for a future on our own.

You will think of your mom every day for the rest of your life. It is good you are spending time with her knowing the end is within sight. She will be thinking of you in the end and so will your dad someday.

You have done the right thing for your parents. You are a good son and I know they are proud of you. Your mom is not as afraid because her son is with her.

I wish there was a way to remove the pain from your heart. I'd do that for you if I could even though I don't know you. It's so terrible to go through I hate to see someone having to do it. Be strong and keep reading what people have to say during these times.

I had to lean on my wife's support for the emotions. She was strong with me when she had to and was comforting when she had to.

I hope for only the best for you and your family. They are truly in our prayers.

Praying for your family, Howard.

We went through this with Ron's parents right when we were in the process of retiring, selling the house, and moving into the RV to full-time. His Dad passed away first and then his mother passed away 11 months later but was slipping away before our eyes. It was an extremely stressful time and sad time. I say that to say, we empathize with you and Linda. Everyone thinks they are prepared, and when you think logically, you probably are. But, when your heart and emotions get involved, you aren't. You are doing everything you can and need to. Embrace them and the time you have left and try to enjoy that time. Say things you want to say and do things you want to do for them and to them. Y'all are in our prayers. Ron and Liz

Howard,
You are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers. You have been blessed with the opportunity to be with your mom and your dad when they need you the most. I am right here in town, if there is something you need - taking your dad somewhere, meals, a little time away - Dale and I are here for you. It's our time to do for you, you were there when we needed friends 11 years ago. Just call us. We love you both, Dale and Sandy

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